Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

As your daughter I strive to make you proud of me
I want your love, affection and approval – as my family
But our relationship is missing a crucial component
It lacks comfort, warmth and deep emotion – don’t it

I wish I could say that I’m daddy’s little girl
That as a kid you would hold me and give me a twirl
I wish I could call you when life brings me down
You would give me advice and protect me, get rid of my frown

In my heart I’ve forgiven you for abandoning me then
But my heart still wonders why I couldn’t stay in your den
Was I so awful to live with, or was it for her
Did you just not love me enough and showed me the door

Although I blame her for all she took away
I know that you ultimately had the choice to let me stay
Crying and begging, I laid my heart out on the floor
You were so cold and uncaring, so I cried more and more

I’m grateful for the relationship that we’ve rebuilt since then
But I wonder if we would have one if I hadn’t pulled out my paper and pen
Trivial points, it may seem to others
But nobody knows what it’s like in the shoes of another

Groveling and begging for your love in my life
Only to be told how much you love your new wife
You’re not part of this family, she doesn’t want you
But your brothers accepted, your house and dog too

All this has shaped me into who I am today
Always lost, always scared – always keeping people at bay
Deep down inside, there’s a void within
I wonder it you’d do it different, if you could do it again

I appreciate the things that you do for me now
But these feelings I feel cause me to feel guilty somehow
I internalize, telling myself to let go
You’ll never be his angel, stop feeling so low

Show them both your best sides, never let your guard down
Terrified a wrong turn will cause her to tear your world down
I feel so helpless around her, she holds so much power
Play strong and so happy, don’t let  yourself cower

I wish I could be me when standing in your presence
But I feel like a stranger, stuck on the other side of the fence
A dancing clown perhaps, trying to gain your attention
Always attempting perfection to win your affection

I’ll stop ranting now, I don’t want to make her mad
I don’t want to hurt you, I’ll stop being so bad

Your daughter


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